


starve my heart of touch and time

by nightbloods



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV), The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Soulmates AU, Zombie AU, crossover?, definitely fluff, this is so many different au's i dont even know what to tag??, what do i tag this as?, with a little angst sorta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-16
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 03:32:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6267874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightbloods/pseuds/nightbloods
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elyza waits, but the telltale sounds of roamers doesn’t come. Whatever woke her is living still; the dead don't get quiet. Knife poised, she turns to peer behind a cluster of bushes, blade flashing in the morning light. </p><p>The girl crouching in the grass is scared, but defiance flashes in her green eyes. Elyza's knees nearly give out then and there at the familiarity she finds in them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	starve my heart of touch and time

**Author's Note:**

> just some alicia/elyza fluff, far too idyllic to be set in the zombiepocalypse but it's cute and super gay so who cares, right? it was fun to write. assumes the headcanon that clarke and lexa are reincarnated soulmates and this is one of their lifetimes together.
> 
> dedication goes to jess, for being my partner in crime and clexa buddy since day one.

_"To love grandly._  
_To mean it when I say_  
_you bring parts of me back from the dead."_  
\- [you're a dream unforgotten, Y.Z.](http://rustyvoices.tumblr.com/post/116258636377/to-love-grandly-to-mean-it-when-i-say-you-bring)

 

Out of everything, it's the noise that's the worst. There's a sickening kind of irony to it, one that no one thought to take into account in all their worst-case scenarios and end-of-the-world imaginings. Some simple, beautiful things from the world before have managed to stick around even after everything went to shit, even after the dead started standing again and every fragile construct of safety melted away. Things like the birds, the cicadas, went unaffected while human lives fell to pieces.

  
At first, while cities were still falling and people clung to the hope that this mess would stop by itself before things got too bad, it was nice. To lie awake at night and, if you were lucky, still hear the crickets chirping; a reminder that the world hadn't yet ended entirely. Now, though, the dead groan and cry something awful, and they're everywhere. Every birdsong mixes with death until any noise at all turns excruciating.

  
When the noise stops, though, that's usually an even bigger problem.

  
Elyza is passed out somewhere in a mess of trees and weeds by a small beach, probably man-made. The too-white sand and lack of salt in the air had let her know quickly that it's fresh water of some sort, not ocean; a good enough place to set up camp for a night. Propped against a tree, she's alert even while she rests. It's dangerous to travel alone and she knows this, everything is easier when there is someone else to watch your back, help keep guard. In this world though, attachments are too risky. Companionship never comes without the ever-growing probability of loss.

  
She's looking for someone, and bringing anyone else into this crusade would likely end up as collateral damage.

  
It's the quiet that wakes her. The birds stop chirping their early morning songs, stop inhabiting the same space as Elyza altogether. Fingers curled around the knife on her lap, she takes a fraction of a second to glance at her immediate surroundings.

  
"Wait for it," she whispers to no one in particular, eyes still scanning the area for disturbance.

  
The sun is barely up; it's the cold kind of light that only happens after dawn, before anything has had a chance to get warm. Still, it is too bright out for anything to be hiding in the shadows and with every muscle in her body taut and alert, Elyza adjusts her grasp on the blade in her hand.

  
She lets out a breath through her teeth, eyes darting to the left just in time to catch a flash of movement.

  
_Gotcha_ , she thinks to herself instead of speaks this time. There is a handgun strapped to her hip and her free hand comes to rest on the grip of it. Guns are messy, loud, but she hasn't survived this long by wandering around unprepared.

  
Elyza waits, but the telltale sounds of roamers don't come. Whatever woke her is living still; the dead don't get quiet. Knife poised, she turns to peer behind a cluster of bushes, blade flashing in the morning light.

  
The girl crouching in the grass is scared, but defiance flashes in her green eyes. Elyza's knees nearly give out then and there at the familiarity she finds in them.

 

//

 

"Name," Elyza snaps once she's regained her footing and backed the other girl up against the greenery, leaving her little room to escape. She knows who it is, would know this girl anywhere, in any lifetime, but she does not know who she is this time around.

  
"Alicia,' the brunette says unsteadily, hands shaking despite how she's squaring her shoulders, setting her jaw like she's getting ready for a fight.

  
"What are you doing here?" Elyza lets her shoulders relax when she realizes Alicia has no weapons. She's young, still a teenager, and Elyza is somewhat surprised the girl is still breathing, to be so scared and young with the world in its current state. There is something flashing in her eyes, though. Something haunted, like she's seen more, done more, now that the world has gone to hell, than she may be letting on.

  
"I'm looking for my family," Alicia mumbles after a pause. Her defiant mask drops for a moment, the younger girl hasn't learned yet to wear that steely facade like a second skin.

  
Elyza takes her time studying the girl, waiting, but nothing happens. Alicia just stares at her, pretending she isn't scared out of her damn mind. After several heavy moments, Elyza tucks away her blade in one swift motion. Alicia flinches.  
"Come on," the blonde says, extending her hand to help Alicia to her feet. "We'll find your family."

  
Alicia shoots her a skeptical look even as she accepts the outstretched hand. The contact sends centuries-old sparks shooting through Elyza, but her features stay schooled into a seamless mask.

  
"Why? Why help me?" Alicia asks, eyebrows furrowed as she knocks grass and dirt from her knees.

  
A hopefully-friendly smirk plays across Elyza's face, she shrugs. "I've got nothing better to do."

 

//

 

"What was your life like, before all this mess?" Elyza asks after a couple days of wandering in near silence, running through the first and nearest possibilities as to where Alicia's family may be. They're comfortable enough with one another by now, Alicia fell into a sense of ease around Elyza surprisingly quickly once it was clear that she wasn't a threat. They've set up camp for the night and Elyza is tending a small fire, just big enough to ward off the chill that comes with being by the water at night.

  
The brunette smiles wistfully, rolling her eyes at herself. "I was in high school, stressing about my SAT prep class," she answers quietly, staring down at her hands in her lap. Elyza hums, corners of her mouth ticking upwards, too.

  
"There was a boy," Alicia continues, smile quickly slipping into a frown. "Matt. The only thing I wanted was to get out of here, run off to a college on the other side of the country with him." Her lip quivers, just enough for Elyza to catch it in the dim light from the fire.

  
Elyza is careful, slow in her actions. The space they are sharing is small, so it doesn't take much movement for her to shift to sit beside Alicia. The blonde reaches out, taking care to meet the younger girl's eyes for approval before she hesitantly takes Alicia's hand in her own. Their fingers knot together easily, familiarly. A tiny sigh slips past Elyza's lips, breaking past her usual impeccable control of herself. Alicia smiles.

  
"What happened to him?" Elyza prods gently. Her hands have a mind of their own, thumb trailing a steady pattern across Alicia's wrist.

  
The silence lasts a beat too long, fire crackling in the darkness.

  
"Can we talk about something else?" Alicia says finally, all but a whisper.

  
Elyza smiles, squeezes her hand. "We don't have to talk at all."

  
The blonde's attention is back on the tending the fire when she feels Alicia move beside her. Lips on her cheek startle her, and she freezes. By the time she spares a glance at the other girl, Alicia is dozing on the sand.

 

//

 

As a general rule of thumb, it's safe to assume that if there is ever room for things to go to shit, they probably will. And when they do, it will probably happen fast.

  
Elyza is laughing, her guard lowered; that was the second mistake. The first mistake was thinking that this would be an easy run. They're outside of the city, having followed the river further down in hopes that maybe Alicia's family will have been doing the same. There is a small cluster of houses not far from the water, Alicia had paused when she saw them, something resembling a small smile sneaking onto her face.

  
"My dad used to always tell us we'd live in a house like this one day," she says without looking at Elyza. Wind tosses the brunette's hair around like something out of fantasy and not for the first time Elyza's hands twitch at her sides. It takes conscious thought to keep from reaching out to touch Alicia, a habit earned after countless lifetimes of knowing how the other girl felt under her fingers. Everything else around them could change, but that would always be the same.

  
She doesn't voice any of this, knows better than to let it slip just yet. Instead, Elyza smirks. "It's California, doesn't _everyone_ technically live by the water?"

  
Any remaining nostalgia drops from Alicia's face when she shoots Elyza a half-hearted glare, corners of her mouth turned upwards like they aren't two strangers that just a week ago, like they've been exchanging secret looks and laughs for years.  
Now, standing in the doorway of the second house they've decided to check out, Elyza pays no mind to the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. Alicia is a several feet away, smile plastered across her face as she kicks down a door on the opposite side of the room.

  
A second too late, Elyza hears it: the shuffling coming from the other side of the door, the groans. Too many, too loud, to be only one or two roamers.

  
Everything clicks together and a scream is ripped out of Elyza before she can think twice. It draws Alicia's attention, but not before the door swings open. Elyza can see the exact moment that the realizaton registers in the other girl, bright green eyes clouding over with an unbridled kind of fear that makes Elyza's bones go cold.

  
She tears across the room in record speed. Two roamers have Alicia pinned between them before Elyza can make it to pull one of them off, her knife buried in the base of the dead one's skull in seconds.

  
Alicia struggles with the second roamer while Elyza pauses to slam the door closed. Her hands slip on the doorknob, shaking and slick with blood, and it takes a second too long to stem off the flow of roamers.

  
The door clicks closed just in time for Elyza to hear the other girl's broken scream. Turning to face her, Elyza doesn't waste a second before jumping into action. Alicia's knife is on the floor, and she's backed against a wall. The roamer is bigger than her, Alicia holding it back by the shoulders and quickly losing traction.

  
This feeling is not unfamiliar, Elyza has watched this same girl die so many times, so many different ways. Every damn time, it turns her blood to ice.

  
" _Not again_ ," Elyza roars, launching herself at the dead one. Her blade finds home in the roamer's temple, shoving its body to the side when it goes limp.

 

//

 

"What did you mean, 'not again'?" Alicia asks later. They're back by the water now, it's open and empty here and they would be easily spotted, but it lends them a clear view of the surroundings. It's enough for the night.

  
They haven't talked about it. As soon as the roamer dropped to the floor, Elyza had locked her fingers around Alicia's wrist and dragged her out the door. The younger girl was frozen, still. Terrified. She followed the blonde numbly, tripping over her own feet every few steps.

  
Once they were clear of the houses, Elyza ripped off Alicia's jacket, shaking fingers skimmed over her arms and shoulders, down her sides and back, smearing roamer's blood everywhere in an effort to check for any wound the roamer could've left. When she was sure there was none, her hands dropped back to her side and Alicia blinked, aware enough to see something strange happen.

  
Elyza let out a breath, and Alicia watched the mask drop. The blonde's face shifted into something young and scared, but tired and ragged at the same time. Then, she dropped to the ground, still-shaking hands framing her face and if Alicia didn't know better, she'd swear Elyza had cried.

  
Alicia didn't say a word about any of it, not until now. Elyza's poker face is back in place and she barely flinches when Alicia throws the question out in the darkness.

  
"Did you lose someone before?" She asks, quieter this time.

  
Elyza fidgets with her knife, a nervous habit.

  
"Yeah, a few times." Voice despondent, she keeps her eyes down, never looking up to meet Alicia's.

  
At a loss for what else to do, Alicia rests a hand on the other girl's arm.

 

//

 

The next morning, Elyza wakes Alicia by dropping her butterfly knife beside the other girl's head.

  
"Rise and shine," she says loudly, "I'm gonna teach you to use a damn weapon."

 

//

 

"You never told me what you did before all this," Alicia bends to avoid the wreckage of a minivan, and looks up just in time to catch Elyza shooting her a scrunched-nose look. It's adorable.

  
"Come on," Alicia laughs, feeling more free than usual. The downtown strip of whatever tiny town they've wandered into is mostly abandoned, probably has been for quite some time. She pokes at her companion's shoulder, "I showed you mine, you show me yours."

  
Elyza lets out a barking laugh and Alicia elbows her in the ribs for it, earning another small huff of laughter from her.

  
" _Fine_ ," she drags out with a sigh, twirling her butterfly knife between her fingers. "I was a nanny."

  
Alicia's laughter follows her even as Elyza ducks into a storefront. It sounds so nice, free and ringing around the empty street, that Elyza can't help her own smile.

 

//

 

The greatest upside to their trek following the river, Elyza thinks, is how calming the sounds of the water are. As long as they keep close to it, it drowns out the distanced sounds of all the roamers further from the shore. She is always on alert, but there's a certain sense of safety, of fantasy, that comes with having waves crashing on one side of her, and Alicia on the other.  
Their walk is quiet today, the silence comfortable and the both of them are content to let it be. Every now and then Elyza allows herself to steal a glance at the girl beside her, it feels like something out of an overdone romance film; the sun and the wind and the water. She's seen Alicia in settings like this before. They've spent more than one lifetime on the water and those are fond memories, even if Elyza is the only one to recall them this time around.

  
Alicia's startled scream interrupts the peaceful setting. Elyza bristles, fingers grasping the handle of the blade at her hip but by the time she turns to face the other girl, her alarm has already faded. Alicia is on the sand, pouting up at Elyza.  
"I tripped." She says, bottom lip stuck out like a kid.

  
Laughter bubbles up out of Elyza so quickly that there's no way she can stop it. She's loud, too loud for a world where danger is drawn by sound, but she can't bring herself to care. Alicia gasps, pins her with a look of exaggerrated offense. Elyza barely registers Alicia reaching towards the water until the other girl is splashing handfuls of it at her.

  
"So that's how it's gonna be?" Elyza challenges, holds Alicia's playful gaze before darting to the water, wildly swatting until the spray hits Alicia and she squeals. Elyza grins at the careless happiness of it.

  
Alicia's face screws up into something determined. She runs towards Elyza, towards the water, crashing into it shoulder-first with just enough momentum to throw an impressive wave at Elyza. While the blonde is still recovering, Alicia hooks am arm at Elyza's knees, bringing her splashing down into the water with her.

  
Laughter spills out of the both of them and getting louder, more free with every passing second. Elyza hasn't felt this light in years. In lifetimes, maybe.

  
She reaches to strike again, but Alicia catches her wrist on the upswing and Elyza blames her next move on habit, instinct. Before either of them can think to stop it, Elyza catches the stray hair whipping around Alicia's face in the wind, brushing it back. The act is too intimate, too close for a girl that barely knows her in this lifetime. Still, Elyza doesn't pull away, letting her knuckles brush Alicia's cheek.

  
The silence is almost stifling, Alicia is too close and not close enough, centuries spent with all the different versions of the girl in front of her flood through Elyza's mind until she forgets how to breathe, how to do anything except feel the searing heat where her skin is on Alicia's; where they've collided in every other life before this one.

  
"We should-"

  
Inhale. Exhale. Try not to stare at her mouth. Try not to notice Alicia doing the same.

  
"Keep moving, yeah."

 

//

 

On clear nights, Elyza can't help noticing Alicia lying awake on the other side of their makeshift campsites. The blonde always takes the first watch, letting Alicia sleep longer than they originally agreed on, offering her any bit of peace available in this crumbling world.

  
Alicia always tries to hide her restlessness, turns her back to Elyza and lies entirely still, too still to be sleeping. Every now and then, she'll let a sigh slip, something calm and Elyza thinks for a second she may be dreaming after all.

  
After weeks of wandering down the coast of the river together, spending nights wondering what Alicia dreams about in this lifetime, Elyza watches for the telltale signs that Alicia is awake tonight. Her uneven breaths give her away almost instantly.  
Tucking her knife away in her belt, Elyza crosses the handful of steps to where Alicia is laying on the sand, coat tucked under her head as a makeshift pillow. Lying closer than she maybe should, Elyza's legs brush up against Alycia's and she settles flat on her back. The stars are almost painfully bright on nights like these.

  
"You knew I was awake?" Alicia asks after a moment. There's a drowsy smile in her voice and Elyza can feel her gaze.

  
"You're not quite as stealthy as you think," Elyza replies in kind, gentle and quiet even though there's no one else to disturb for miles, probably.

  
Alicia laughs, quiet and breathy, before she turns to lie on her back and fully face the stars, too. Their shoulders press against against each other and neither of them move to create more space. The silence is a comfortable one, but still Elyza finds herself opening her mouth.

  
"I never paid much attention to the stars before all this," she says. "Everything was always too busy."

  
Alicia hums. Her fingers move idly to brush against Elyza's wrist, up and down the short expanse of skin.

  
"There aren't a whole lot of beautiful things to look at anymore," she says after a short beat of silence.

  
"I can think of one." The words tumble out unbidden, falling off of Elyza's lips before she can think twice about it. She's turned now to face Alicia, stars forgotten entirely. There is enough light for Elyza to make out Alicia's profile in the shadows. She's spent centuries learning it, searing this image into her memory. Despite it all, she's still breathless.

  
Alicia turns to look at her, something soft and open playing on her face that Elyza hasn't seen yet, not this time around. Green eyes catch in the dim light and Elyza moves first; hesitant, slow. Catching Alicia's fingers in the middle of their idle patterns, Elyza threads her fingers around them. The other girl's grip is familiar, easy, and all the permission Elyza needs. Closing the minimal distance, the brush of her lips against Alicia's is soft, barely there.

  
It's enough to embolden them both. Alicia pushes forward, meeting meeting Elyza halfway and untangling their fingers to slide an arm around the blonde's hip, pressing even closer.

  
They're gasping when Elyza breaks the kiss, resting her forehead against Alicia's. She smiles, Elyza mirrors it.

  
"So much better than any fucking stars."

 

//

 

"Did you ever wonder, if I was dead already?" Alicia asks one night, months after the two of them managed to find her family. The group has found a relatively safe place to stay, at least to rest for a while before they move on.

  
Elyza shakes her head, watches the movement while Alicia pulls their intertwined hands to rest in her lap.

  
"There was a while in the beginning, when nearly every roamer I passed, I had to stop and make sure they weren't you. Nearly got me killed a few times," she laughs, something quiet and fluttering, and Alicia squeezes her hand. "But I could feel it, you were still somewhere out there."

  
Alicia bumps her shoulder against Elyza's, "I'm too stubborn to die on you."

  
It took a lot of explaining, a lot of remembering, but over the months Alicia has become comfortable with the memory of her past lives. Nights spent curled around one another in the sand, Alicia wide-eyed and entranced while Elyza recounted stories from their lives before. Paris, Russia, Greece; the life that they spent a decade together in a small house in the mountains, the one after in Italy when Elyza was a painter, they were poor and starving, but happy.

  
"Have there been times when we didn't meet?" The brunette asks, and Elyza gives a melancholy smile.

  
"Several," she sighs. "Sometimes you die, sometimes I do. Sometimes we're on other sides of the world." She lets her voice trail off; those are the lives she doesn't like to think about much. The lonely ones, the ones when they were ripped away from one another too soon.

  
Alicia leans to rest her head against Elyza's shoulder after a few moments and Elyza reaches up to thread her fingers through her dark hair.

  
"I was a writer, once."

  
Humming, Alicia nuzzles against Elyza's neck, already getting drowsy. "What did you write about?" she slurs, muffled where her mouth is pressed to Elyza's collar.

  
"I wrote about you," Elyza whispers, voice low and soothing as Alicia slips steadily into sleep. "Always you."

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: mockingjaylance | tumblr: natalias-alianovnas | come talk about these two idiot soulmates with me


End file.
